love

i'm in love yet i dunno how to define love. well maybe that is called 'love'. undefinable. sometimes it could be so confusing we just want to quit. sometimes it could be so pleasant we wish we had never gotten out of it. but it all depends on our destiny. the right person that is destined to be with us might come or might not come. or if he/she eventually came, it would probably be at a very wrong time. therefore love might come with an unwelcome feelings like hatred and guilt. thats what i currently feel and that's what i'm going through. i feel guilty. i feel guilty to love. am i wrong to choose whos better and who deserves me more? is it just a cruel action to say goodbye to someone for someone who i actually really love? or isit just a feeling of missing all the sparkles in the relationship which makes me attracted to a new episod of my love life with someone else? should we be fair and let ourselves not feel happy just to please others? can we be selfish in order to feel satisfied?

however i believe, just because he doesn have the criteria that ive always wanted, that doesn make him a bad person. and if he had the sweetness and perfectness like someone else did, that still doesn make him a better person. well to be safe, i choose not to decide. let time does. coz we cant predict whats gonna happen in future. for now, i choose to be grateful for wut i have ;)

hatred

living my life in the hostel has taught me alot. ive discovered so many things about people, how mean they could be, how manipulative they could be, how bitchy they could be, how super nice they could be, how angelic they could be, blah blah blah. And trust me, those are the last things i would ever like to know. however i kno God shows me those things for a reason. He might want me to not be like them, which i really hope so.

i also learnt that people could be super duper kind and transformed to rigorous and heartless creatures in the next second. and that caused me to hate them as much as i used to like them.

thank you for being mean and not noticing it, thats just so pathetic for a person who complained ALOT about others.