Everything In Between

a random thought.

2011-04-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

ive been keeping this idea for so so so long. its a random thought that came to me when i was just sitting at this one busy place i forgot where, and staring at people passing by. i think because im a thinker, i start to think of so many things just by looking at strangers...

so there came the idea...

if only i could just stop everyone, each person at a time, and ask about his/her life. what he's been through and everything he had, the ups and downs, the failure and the success, the tears and the laughter, the loss and the gain, and relate one person's story to another, since there must be some kinda connection. i know its not as easy as it sounds, but if only i could make a documentary or say, a short film out of it? wouldnt it be nice?

that is nothing but to show that apparently everyone has been taking the same path all this while. and if you think that youre unlucky and just cant stop complaining about your life, try to think about others'. someone else out there might have experienced much much worse moment in his/her life.

but then again....it is just one random thought.

heeee :)

2011-03-28T13:57:00.000-07:00

love is indeed very subjective. the definition of love to me is.....

1. when i laugh so hard about something until my face looks weird and then he suddenly said i look pretty.

2. when i want to google about something regarding my assignment but instead i subconsciously type his name.

3. when i cry about something silly and he just look at me and smile, and say "you're cute".

4. when i ask for something sweet and romantic and he says "Im not a romantic person and I dont know how to act sweet, but i will try".

5. when he listens to all my problems and tries to come up with so many suggestions even though we both know none of them is going to work.

6. when he still calls me and say i love you after i pissed him off.

7. when im willing to be the only girl in the mens' section and being stared by all the dudes, just to buy him a surprise gift.

8. when he's seriously mad at me when im about to give up on something.

9. when he tries to memorize the lyrics of my fave song.

10. when i wish he's awake when i cant sleep.

:)

Mee Bandung Muar

2011-03-26T10:37:00.001-07:00

so semalam saya pegi kedai makan di Shah Alam, bersama cousin tercinta Lubna dan Ahmad. di dalam perjalanan, mereka saling bergaduh tentang kat mane nak makan. yang ahmad nak makan mee bandung, mee bandung dan mee bandung. lubna pulak taknak, taknak, dan taknak. sebagai seorang yg matang, saya hanya cakap 'kak syera tak kisah'. ceh, haha.

so finally..kitorang ikut lah cakap ahmad pegi kedai makan 'Selera Kampung'. kesian pulak dia dah beriya-iya kata dah lama rasa nak makan mee bandung.

duduk-duduk je kat kedai tu, sorang waiter pun datang. dia nampak normal tp mcm ada sedikit innocent lah. mcm, kesian la (tak baik ek). and so ahmad terus order 'mee bandung satu'.lubna order tauhu bakar. dan saya order sate dan ABC. walaupun sebenarnya tak suka sangat sate, tp...ntah. so bila order ABC tu, saya tanya lah waiter tu..

"Bang, ABC ni ada aiskrim tak?"

"Ermmm takde dik. tp ada letak jagung la"

"Jagung??"

"ye..jagung dalam tin tu"

Saya, ahmad dan lubna dah terdiam. of course la sebab tahan gelak. waiter tu jalan je, kitorang dah tergelak-gelak. sbb 'ada jagung dlm tin' adalah sememangnya jawapan yg sangat lah kelakar. memang la abc ada jagung dlm tin kan? tp mcm perlu ke bila saya tanya ABC ada aiskrim ke tak, dia kata takde, tp jagung ada. haha. kelakar sungguh bukan? hee.

lepas tu makanan kitorang sampai la satu per satu. then ahmad punya mee bandung tu sgt bukan mee bandung (im a muarean so i know). haha. mcm maggi ada lah.. mee dah sama, tapi kuah dia lain gilos. ahmad ckp maybe dia dah silap order, mee bandung muar lain, mee bandung sahaja lain. and dia pun memang sebut mee bandung je masa waiter tu mintak order tadi. so untuk menghilangkan kemusykilan (cewah), ahmad pun tanya lah kat waiter yg sama..

"Bang, ni mee bandung dengan mee bandung muar lain eh?"

"Ye, lain. Tu ada udang kering"

lagi sekali, abang waiter beri kan jawapan yg kelakar dan agak membuatkan lidah kami terkelu. haha.

so itu sahaja lah cerita pada hari ini. Assalamualaikum :)

same old, same old.

2011-03-25T13:04:00.000-07:00

like finally. god knows for how long have i ditched you, my dear blog. haha. its been soooo long i cant even remember whats the email and password! well after a short recalling session and with my very limited knowledge about this virtual thingy, i managed to log in and tadaa! here i am! :D well actually im not supposed to write or to even think about blogging coz i have a WAY bigger and more important thing to do which is my FYP! THESIS! and guess what, its due next week, which is just 2 days away from now. so...till next time. toodles! ;)

malay?

2010-05-02T00:05:00.000-07:00

Fyi, all my lectures and tutor classes are being conducted in English but there are certain courses that are conducted in Malay. and to switch from English to Malay is not actually a big deal for me as Malay is my mother tongue and that makes it very easy to me to read all the notes which are in Malay. but i guess i actually can no longer say that. i dunno why, but nowadays Malay language has adopted tooooo maaany words from English. it's like Malay and English are more or less the same. doing the revision has driven me crazy, coz there are too many words have been simply translated from English to Malay. for example, discussion to diskusi, solidarity to solidariti, feature to fitur, transformation to transformasi, etc. i dunno why but these words make me feel annoyed. as if we're losing our image as i've been taught that 'Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa', or if were to be translated, it means language is the soul of the race. but where is the soul of our race if the language itself is like taken from the other languages? and why do people like politicians, leaders, etc use those words? does that make them feel more respectful? for God's sake, there are actually words that could be the translation from those English words like transformation, it means perubahan in Malay. while feature means ciri-ciri. but why must they simply change the last syllable in those words and claim them to be our Malay words? i don't understand.

p/s : i cant believe i just wrote about a serious topic like this. like, this is so not me! haha. reading too many notes have turned me to be a different person now, omg.

forgiveness

2010-05-01T06:32:00.000-07:00

for have been living for almost 21 years, i think im old enough to say that EVERYONE in this world is neither good nor a bad man. no one can deny that even though the one you respect the most,the one you look up to, the one you idolize, or the one you thought was perfect, somehow has flaws in him/herself. and if you're a muslim, you might've heard about our first prophet, Prophet Adam who has taken a wrong step when he was put in Heaven. that just proved that no one is perfect. people make mistakes. perfection is just too impossible to be true. i personally have lived with so many types of human beings, the im-such-an-innocent-person-but-why-do-people-do-this-to-me type, the i-dont care-what-u-think-as-long-as-im-happy type, the i-have-done-nothing-wrong-but-why-do-people-hate-me type, the i'll-be-good-to-you-only-when-i-feel-i-need-you type, the im-such-a-good-fren-but-why-do they-treat-me-this-way type, etc. to list all of them would take days. could be months. and at the end of the day, everyone has made mistakes at some point of their lives, big or small mistakes, there must be atleast one (which is impossible). As an imperfect God's creature, i think people should forgive each other no matter how awful they have treated you. but i have to agree though, to forgive is easy but to forget is actually the hardest part. i've been through it, trust me. and i stil cant seem to forget what that person has done to me. ppl can be so so selfish they thought they did the best thing. they ditched you, they backstabbed you, they made empty promises, they talk behind your back, but after all they are just as imperfect as you, dont you think? God has made all human beings equally weak. and its left to us to accept it or not. like my mum always says, the person who you thought was once a monster, could be an angel to you someday you wont know. he/she might also be the one who help you and lift you up when you are drowned. we dont know. so lets forgive each other. especially among friends. this is entirely dedicated to myself, as i find it so hard to just utter those words, 'i forgive you'.

long time jack!

2010-01-27T05:59:00.000-08:00

its been AWHILE since i last posted my last post (is this sentence correct?) haha. ok it sounds so wrong even IF it was correct. and yeah, that was it. i feel like ive left this blogging world for like, ages. literally. like all of sudden, the blogging-mode struck me and tadaaa! hehehe... (i absolutely have no idea why i act this way so do not ask me). well, my previous posts have been sort of in sorrow, emotional time. maybe it is because i always felt like writing when i was in the doldrums. it kinda calm me down as i can type it all out and like, get everything out of my chest. i know that no one might read it, but they are all written simply because writing's been like a therapy to me whenever i needed it. and at the same time, it could help me in my writing skills as this is the section which i am very poor in. i think this might be caused by the lack of writing, compared to when i was in secondary school, writing had been nothing to me and to make an essay, was just like snapping my finger (sound so cocky). but it has completely transformed when i entered university. my writing got worse, and looking at my other friends' writing was like a wake-up call to me as i realised that my way of using the language have left like, way behind. to make things clear, im actually taking a degree in Language and Linguistic, and im majoring in English and that is why this whole thing is like, huge and important to me. u might get shocked knowing it coz i dont sound like a major in English, do i? well i have to admit that i did improve since the day i first stepped into this university. but im still very worried of my very limited-range of vocabulary and my grammar. so..im hoping that by blogging it will somehow contribute something to my performance in class :)

shit happens

2009-12-07T13:32:00.000-08:00

so today ive got my 3rd sem's results. and it was as horrible as i could imagine. stil, im grateful that i passed all the subjects. but it was just so sad to see that those subjects that i used to target, turned out really bad. or say maybe lower than i expected. so enough said bout my results. im over it. but, wut did really put me into tears was my parents reaction. as usual, my results have always been such an issue to my family, as im the only child, and my studies is just so so so important to my parents. im not saying that others' who have siblings are not, but theres just bigger hope and and pressure to me. and that when i received such results, it sort of brings a solemn atmosphere, awkward situation and also grief into my house. well guess wut, i've never ever wanter things to be like this. its not that i didn't do revision for my exams, i did. but, i guess hard works never really paid off. all the burn-the-midnight-oil and the 1hr-sleep on the night before the exam, were not good enough..everything was just bullshit. i love to put it like this, as if maybe God wanted to show me something behind all this. i keep telling myself that maybe this is just the beginning, as i almost gave up just now. or maybe this is a punishment to all the sins ive done for the my whole life. however everything has happened. and to ummi and abah, im so sorry for everything. i've let you down while you were fulfilling all my wishes...

20

2009-12-03T12:38:00.001-08:00

it feels like yesterday when i turned 19. and now im officially 20 (or more as in few days older, to be exact) and i still dun feel like it. since my birthday is on november which happens to be in the end of year holiday, im used to spend my birthday at home, with my family. and its like a must, on the day itself, my abah will wish me a happy birthday right after i woke up and ask for this year's goal that i might have set. and again, as a must, i might take few mins to ans the question as clearly i have no idea wuts my goal in life, despite the typical ones which is to study harder than before. but this time, it was like a wake up call after i had no idea what to respond to my father's ques. suprisingly, im already twenty and i dunno what is my goal. i was pretty upset as this one ambitious lil' girl's face had just popped into my mind. and that lil girl was me. i still rmmber when i was around 11,12 and my umi asked me to stop playing netball (as i was so into sports during those days) and to focus on my academic life. but it didnt affect me at all eventhough my whole family didnt show any support for me in order to make me stop playing sports, coz they were afraid that i was not going to be able to balance up both sports and studies. i stil rmmber i didn quit playing netball as i told myself that i wil work as hard as i can to prove that im good at everything. and the hard works realy paid off. thank god i scored 5As in my UPSR and i was chosen to play at the state level in netball. i was so happy at that time. but that was it. after almost 10years, ive transformed to a complete new person. and the way i think about things, is now different. i no longer work hard for what i want to achieve, instead i just do half heartedly at almost everything. i suddenly feel like 'be good at everything i do' is no longer my motto line, instead i want to 'be the best at something'. aka have a speciality. and now i jus realised that i dun have one. im just quiet okay at everything, like im being a very ordinary girl that is living a normal life a 20 y.o girl should have. there's nothing that can make me stand out from the crowd. i have no skills. im not excellent at sports, neither studies. even my personality might be so bad sometimes i even hate myself. therefore i think those are the reason why i hate this birthday. i hate being 20y.o, as in a young woman, and not being best at anything. that really freaks me out. so i hope today might not be too late for me to set a new goal in my life. or maybe to bring out something good in me :D im gona start taking control of what i want to do and how i want things around me to be. hope it works out well. pray for me guys :)

love

2009-11-11T09:23:00.000-08:00

i'm in love yet i dunno how to define love. well maybe that is called 'love'. undefinable. sometimes it could be so confusing we just want to quit. sometimes it could be so pleasant we wish we had never gotten out of it. but it all depends on our destiny. the right person that is destined to be with us might come or might not come. or if he/she eventually came, it would probably be at a very wrong time. therefore love might come with an unwelcome feelings like hatred and guilt. thats what i currently feel and that's what i'm going through. i feel guilty. i feel guilty to love. am i wrong to choose whos better and who deserves me more? is it just a cruel action to say goodbye to someone for someone who i actually really love? or isit just a feeling of missing all the sparkles in the relationship which makes me attracted to a new episod of my love life with someone else? should we be fair and let ourselves not feel happy just to please others? can we be selfish in order to feel satisfied?

however i believe, just because he doesn have the criteria that ive always wanted, that doesn make him a bad person. and if he had the sweetness and perfectness like someone else did, that still doesn make him a better person. well to be safe, i choose not to decide. let time does. coz we cant predict whats gonna happen in future. for now, i choose to be grateful for wut i have ;)

hatred

2009-11-11T04:45:00.000-08:00

living my life in the hostel has taught me alot. ive discovered so many things about people, how mean they could be, how manipulative they could be, how bitchy they could be, how super nice they could be, how angelic they could be, blah blah blah. And trust me, those are the last things i would ever like to know. however i kno God shows me those things for a reason. He might want me to not be like them, which i really hope so.

i also learnt that people could be super duper kind and transformed to rigorous and heartless creatures in the next second. and that caused me to hate them as much as i used to like them.

thank you for being mean and not noticing it, thats just so pathetic for a person who complained ALOT about others.

awesome!

2009-09-04T02:51:00.000-07:00

so luv quotations. haha. been dreaming to create one, but neva turned out well. n all of sudden it’l become so ironic i cant tel ya! haha..but yea, this is the best quotation ive ever found. its not so ironic but its gud enough to inspire ppl (big talk from me isnt it! haha) but yeah…go thru it n ur gona find it the same i did. n btw, its from mahatma ghandi.

CAREFULLY WATCH YOUR THOUGHTS FOR THEY WILL BECOME YOUR WORDS

MANAGE AND WATCH YOUR WORDS FOR THEY WILL BECOME YOUR ACTIONS

CONSIDER AND JUDGE YOUR ACTIONS FOR THEY HAVE BECOME YOUR HABITS

ACKNOWLEDGE AND WATCH YOUR HABITS FOR THEY SHALL BECOME YOUR VALUES

UNDERSTAND AND EMBRACE YOUR VALUES FOR THEY HAVE BECOME YOUR DESTINY.

pfft.

2009-09-04T02:25:00.000-07:00

I always find myself as a thinker, not a brainy one though. I just like to sit, daydream and think about random things. My mind can hardly stop thinking even when I was watching telly, reading a book, during lectures etc. Eventhough I must say that I don’t think as those genius do, but stil, I think a lot. sumtymes it can be so distracting it makes me lose focus on wut I was doing at sum particular time. For example when I was happily enjoyed watching titanic, I cudn stop thinking on how the directors and how every scene has been shot. And the next thing I know, ive missed some important lines in the movie. Not only that, when Im on flight, I just cant stop thinking about how the plane was invented and how could a human being possibly think of making this heavy solid creature fly til I missed enjoying the mind blowing scenery from the sky. See? I think too much til i think im gona go crazy soon.or am i?

today.

2009-08-26T00:27:00.000-07:00

today i woke up and i realised that im alive. isnt that impressive? hehe. thnks to Allah for giving us every second to live, to laugh, to love, to cry, to learn, etc. i duno y im being so religious, but this has jus popped into my mind. hopefully tomoro i wont forget to thank Allah :) I dun lyk people who keep complaining about their miserable lives, coz i believe thers sumone else outhere is having a worse tym than we are. plus, God will never give us sumthing that is unbearable to us. so, dont complain. think more, speak less, complain nothing :) hahaha omg skema gile aku!! actually this is one of the ways to remind myself abt all this. besides listening to my umi's preach...hehehhe......

just because.

2009-08-25T10:15:00.000-07:00

just bcos all of my frens are having blogs,so i started to think of having one. and tadaaaa!! haha..

welcome me :D